[One Shot] What's Wrong? Why not? [English ver.] {KyuJung}

Title: What's Wrong? Why not? [English ver.]

Author: Riz Aino

Pairings: KyuJung (KB + Yoojung) (OnlyOneOf)

Rating: PG–13

Genres: AU, romance, angst (with happy ending)

Number of words: 2.2k

Summary: Taeyeob doesn't want to let go their relationship with Kyubin... but Kyubin is afraid... afraid of people's looks.

Warnings: pick up tissues because you're going to cry.

Notes: story inspired by Yoojung's “begin” teaser, Song Jieun's “Don't look at me like that” lyrics, and the movie “Your name engraved herein”. (Other than that, it takes place in the 90s, because Yoojung needed to use the phone booth like in the video and not cell phones).

Author's comment: when I’m in a mood of sad things, I need to take it all out and write the saddest thing in the universe because it's the only time I get to write sad things. I hope you like it.

 

The city sleeps as Taeyeob slowly dials the digits of a number he knows by heart on the phone booth keypad, bathed in yellow light from the bulb above his head. With some hesitation and apprehension, he raises the phone to his ear and, in the silence of the night, listens to his heart hammer rapidly against his ribs, almost drowning out the beeps that sound on the phone, as he waits for the call to connect with the line he has called. Ten beats in each interval between beeps. His hands are sweaty, so he wipes them on the fabric of his jeans as he cradles the phone on his shoulder, leaning his head over it, waiting. One beep, then another, then another one, one after another, over and over again, and Taeyeob catches his bottom lip between his teeth, nipping at it lightly, nervous, scared. He knows that he has dialled the number correctly because it is engraved not only in his memory, but in the bottom of his heart, as well as the name of the person he is calling, and he fears that he won’t pick up the phone, he fears that he doesn't want to hear from him again, he fears that their relationship has ended that way.

 

As the city sleeps around him and the night swallows the few lights that are still on, Taeyeob feels like crying as the line gives a final beep before letting him know that he can leave a voicemail. It's the first time he hasn't picked up his phone, the first time he's let the answering machine pick up. It's the first time he ignores him and something sharp and painful stabs into Taeyeob's chest and his heart stops its deafening pounding for a few seconds, hurt, battered. He takes a deep breath, trying to help ease the intense pain, but it doesn't make it better, it just makes him want to cry. His vision is clouded with a thin layer of water and Taeyeob has to take another deep breath and remind herself that he can't cry, not until he has left that message, a message that he hopes he will hear.

 

“Kyubinie hyung… it's me… Taeyeobie…” he begins, despite the fact that he knows perfectly well that Kyubin knows his voice and knows that he’s the only one who calls at dawn. “About what you told me before... no... I don't agree... I don't want it... I don't want our relationship to end". He takes a deep breath and puffs his hand, the one that isn't holding the phone in front of his eyes, to dry his tears before they slide down his cheeks. “We haven't done anything wrong... we don't do anything wrong loving each other... I don't care about the world, I don't care if the world looks at us badly... that they don't accept us for who we are... that they don't accept us for loving each other...” Taeyeob bites again his lower lip and he has to sniff the snot that threatens to come out of his nose, but that doesn't stop the tears that start running down his cheeks. “Tell me what's wrong... tell me what love is... tell me... just tell me what we've done wrong for loving each other...” his voice trembles with that last sentence and he can't stop the sob that escapes from his lips because it's too much, he feel too much pain. “I... I don't want to live in this horrible world if you're not with me... please... don't run away... don't be afraid... I'll be here... in the usual booth... waiting for you... until you come...” a notice from the booth tells him that he's running out of time and asks him to insert more coins if he wants to keep talking, but Taeyeob just wipes his tears with the back of his hand and only says one more thing before hanging up. “I love you Kyubinie hyung”.

 

~

 

Kyubin lets himself fall against the ground, sliding down the wall until he sits up, raising his knees, hiding his face in his hands, trying to hold back the sobs that don't stop. Taeyeob's voice resonates in his head, his message, his words, his "I love you" go around and around in his mind and the tears don't stop falling without him being able to do anything for stopping them. He loves him. Taeyeob loves him. Taeyeob loves him and he loves Taeyeob too. More than anyone in the world, more than anyone he has ever loved and more than anyone he will ever love. They love each other and, even so, in that world full of thorns, in that world full of judging looks, in that world full of bad words towards them, towards those who are like them, only a little different, they can’t be together. In this world where they are a target to shoot at, love will do them more harm than good.

 

Kyubin has thought about it a lot, he has thought about it a lot and he has made a decision, the decision that breaks both their hearts, but that, in the long run, is the best. The only decision he can make. The only right decision… and yet, Taeyeob's tears that afternoon and his broken voice on his call make his firm decision less and less firm. It hurts him that Taeyeob cries because of him because what he likes most about him is his smile, that beautiful smile that she always shows when he is with him. The expression on his face is like an open book that Kyubin loves to read and reread, his light brown eyes sparkling like they contain a thousand stars every time he looks at him and he really didn't need Taeyeob to tell him he loves him because he can see it perfectly in his face… however, listening to him saying it to him makes something in Kyubin stir.

 

He doesn't want to leave it. He doesn't want to get away from him. He wants to continue loving Taeyeob like he has done so far. He wants to meet him in the shield provided by the night, he wants to kiss his red lips, he wants to intertwine his fingers between the strands of his curly blonde hair, he wants to be with him for the rest of eternity... but Kyubin is afraid. He is afraid of the world. He is afraid of accusing looks. He is afraid of bad words. He is afraid the world will do more harm to Taeyeob than he can do by taking him out of his life. He is afraid that they’ll never be accepted in this changing world that seems to become more and more open to everything but those who are like them. He has fear. He is very afraid. And it’s almost as bad as losing Taeyeob forever. He has tried to imagine a life without him and has found no incentive. He has tried to imagine a future without him, but he hasn’t seen anything beyond the blackness... even so, when he imagines that he’s with him, in addition to love and affection, the world that surrounds them judges them, looks at them as if everything what they did was wrong when all they do is love each other, love each other like everyone else does.

 

Kyubin bites his lower lip and takes a deep breath. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn't know anything. Everything shakes around him. His whole world falls apart and all he wants is to run to Taeyeob, but that's the only thing he can't do, that's the only thing he doesn't allow himself to do, no matter how much his "I love you" resonates over and over again in his heart, in his mind, as much as everything he has said to him makes him go round and round and fill his head with different possibilities, as much as he wants him, as much as he needs him, as much as he loves him, he can’t go to him. He can’t. He can’t do it.

 

~

 

It's been hours since the phone in that booth where he is it’s hanging in its place. Hours since Taeyeob waited for Kyubin in that place. Hours in which he hasn’t been able to stop thinking. Hours in which he hasn’t been able to stop crying because every second that passes he feels that he is getting further and further away from Kyubin, every minute that passes he feels that their relationship is closer and closer to finally ending, each hour that passes he feels how fear and pain spread from his heart to the rest of his body. But he doesn't lose hope, he can't lose it, he doesn't want to lose it, because losing his hope means losing Kyubin and that's the only thing he can't afford. However, every hour that passes, he feels that there is no turning back, that it’s definitive, that Kyubin is not going to go to him and that he is going to let him go. The city sleeps, but in just a few minutes it will start to wake up, the sun will begin to peek over the horizon, and the first people will appear on the street and Taeyeob loses all hope when the first ray of sunlight hits the phone booth where he is. Kyubin hasn’t gone to him.

 

Taeyeob's heart breaks into pieces, it shatters on the ground and tears begin to stream down his face uncontrollably and in those moments, he doesn't care that he can't hold them back. All he has to do is get out of there before someone sees him like that, so he tries to make his legs obey him, to move and take him home, but they refuse to do so for a few minutes, his body not wanting to abandon the last glimmer of hope... but in the end he ends up moving, in the end he ends up trying to get out of the booth, with trembling legs and his head bowed, hiding his tears with his hair as best he can.

 

Taeyeob doesn't notice the figure desperately running towards him until his body crashes into his, hugging him tightly, burying his face in his chest, quickly wetting his white t-shirt with his tears, and Taeyeob is surprised by that because he doesn't he waits for him, he gets scared because he doesn't know who is the person hugging him, but he immediately recognizes the smell of Kyubin's cologne on him and his body relaxes, hugging him immediately, feeling how relief runs through his entire being because Kyubin is there with him, because Kyubin has gone to him instead of taking him away from his life.

 

"Hyung…" he murmurs between sobs.

 

Kyubin raises his head from his chest and moves away from his body a little so he can stand up straight, at eye level with him. Taeyeob sees himself reflected in his dark eyes that are red and swollen like his own and sees the immense affection that the other professes for him, the love that he has always dedicated to him even before he says it out loud as he wipes his tears with his fingers.

 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Taeyeobie... I didn't have to do this... I'm so sorry... I love you... I love you..."

 

And Taeyeob knows perfectly well that this is not the end, that this is not their end, that they have a lot of time ahead of them and that together they can bear that the world is not able to understand their love, but he hugs Kyubin's body tightly because he is afraid that it’s all an illusion, he clings to him with all his strength so that he won’t disappear again and cries in his arms, with relief and with fear, but feeling how the broken pieces of his heart are picked up by the comforting embrace of Kyubin, who keeps them united, together, even though the city begins to wake up because their love is real, it's normal and no one should judge them for it.